What next?

“So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go forth to him outside the camp, and bear the abuse he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city which is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” Hebrews 13:12-16

I have been thinking about this verse over the past several days. It sums up the general path my thoughts have been travelling lately. It reminds me that Jesus, too, had a hard time fitting in. It also calls me to go to Jesus outside the gate. Inside the gate is the world I know and understand. It is Sunday morning worship services, cushioned pews (not that those are a bad thing!) and Sunday school classrooms. Outside that gate is a world full of lonely people, people who are lost and need comfort and people who fall through the cracks – along with liars, thieves and seriously unpleasant people.  

I feel a lot like Peter when he stepped out of the boat onto the water. He took one step, then another… then the wind blew, he got scared and sank. Jesus caught him and scolded him for lacking faith - although I imagine Jesus had a grin on his face while he did it. Peter messed up, but at least he tried. At least he got out of the boat.

And so, with my last few blog posts, I stepped out of the boat by putting my journey “out there” for all to see. I have left the gate behind and I am going to meet Jesus where he is. Like Peter, though, I am starting to feel scared. The wind is blowing and it sounds like doubt:

“I don’t have the theological training to write about this stuff.”

 “My blog must seem so elementary and amateurish to someone more learned than me.”

“Wow, that last post was soooo corny!”

“What if someone from church reads this?”

Part of me wants to get back into that boat. I want to feel comfortable in church again. I want to love church and Sunday school and committee meetings. There are people in that church who I love and whose friendships I value. I do not want to leave. I want to get into that boat and enjoy a lovely day on the lake.

But a deeper part of me likes standing out in this new storm – even if there are sharks circling underneath the surface. That part of me wants to take the next step – even if that step is away from church as I have always known it. There is a certain excitement in not knowing what lies ahead. There is also fear.

I am not sure what I should do next.

“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

Stay tuned.