Listening and Learning

I often wake up at night – usually around 2:00 am. I found that if I get up, take a little walk around the house and maybe stretch a bit, I go back to sleep faster than if I stay in bed, tossing and turning. There are some nights, however, when a little walk is not enough. Some nights, I wake up anxious and agitated. My mind is racing. My brain is full of conversations from years ago, scenes from books or movies, worries about my daughter, my marriage, my job, etc. When my mind is in this state, there is not much I can do but ride it out.

As part of my efforts this year to be Quiet, I learned some meditation techniques. I try to meditate for a few minutes each day as, like most skills, it requires practice. I am not very good at it but I keep trying. As I get better at it, I find it comes in pretty handy on these crazy sleepless nights. It helps me calm my brain enough to relax and go back to sleep.

A couple of nights ago, I woke up in one of these crazy states. After walking and stretching did not work, I sat on the couch and began to meditate. It took a while but my brain finally quieted a little. As the noise began to clear, I asked God if there is something he needed to tell me. I often do this while meditating because it is so hard to hear Him when my brain is buzzing. Sometimes I get an answer, but not always.

On this particular night, a single word came into my mind: “Listen.”

I was a little confused since I only got the one word. I gave it some thought, though, and figured I must need to be a better listener when I talk to others. Then I yawned, said “Amen” and went to bed.

A couple of nights later, I woke up agitated again.

This time, as all manner of thoughts ran through my mind, I focused on the word “listen.” I imagined my ears opening up to hear whatever may need to be heard. I listened to the bugs outside, to my husband snoring in the bedroom, to my daughter’s occasional cough or sniffle upstairs. As I focused on the sounds around me, my brain began to quiet. I relaxed, happy that I would soon be able to go back to sleep.

Then my brain lit up again. Not with random thoughts, however, but ideas. Great ideas. I grabbed a note pad and a pencil and began to write.

Some of the ideas were related to my work. I am in the process of updating my resume but have not made much progress. Sitting on my couch, however, I saw new ways to present my work, relevant work that could be included but I forgot about, personal projects like the wine cabinet I designed and my blog that would look good on my resume, too. The ideas did not stop with my resume, either. I came up with other things I want to create – blog post ideas, house projects, sewing projects, etc. The ideas kept coming and I kept scribbling.

Eventually, the brainstorm began to die down. I do not know how long it lasted but as I came back to the present, I knew it was time to quiet down. After a few minutes, I felt sleepiness creep in. I got up from the couch, grabbed the many pieces of paper full of notes and went to bed.

The next morning, I incorporated some of the ideas from the night before into my resume. It is coming together nicely. I love how it communicates the real me so much better than before. I also started working on one of the blog post ideas that came to mind. Some of the other projects are in the works, as well. I have never had such a burst of creativity like that – especially in the middle of the night – but I never stopped and listened like that before, either.