Not long ago, my husband and I sat down with the calendar.
We do this every couple of months or when events start to pile up. After about
20 minutes, the entire month was booked, along with half of the following
month. When I say “entire month” I mean all of the weekends. We both work full
time so weekends are pretty much our only opportunity for something not work or
chore related.
Most of the stuff on the calendar fell into the “fun”
category – playdates, birthday parties, a vacation, etc. – which got me
thinking about my childhood (prior to the teen years). I still had birthday
parties and dance recitals but, for some reason, I remember a lot less planning
when it came to fun. “Playdates” were scheduled by walking up to a friend’s
front door, ringing the doorbell and asking, “Can Tonya come out to play?” The
kids generally decided whose house they would occupy for the day but it was rarely
an organized effort. You just went to the house with the bikes/big wheels/swing
sets that you felt like playing with that day.
It’s different for my daughter. To begin with, we don’t live
in a neighborhood with a lot of children so the impromptu playdates don’t
happen here. Also, my husband and I both work full time so playdates have to
occur in the evening or on a weekend. And, since none of her friends live
within walking or biking distance, someone has to drive my daughter to her
friends’ houses. Thus, phone calls are made, calendars are consulted and plans
are made. The advantage to all of this is that I know where my daughter is and
who she’s with. I also know when to expect guests, what they like to eat and
how long they plan to stay. If I’m perfectly honest, I have to admit that I like
this way of doing things. Life is neat
and tidy when you make plans…. At least most of the time it is.
I’ve learned, however, that if you don’t leave space for the
unexpected, even the best laid plans can be for naught.
When life isn’t neat and tidy, it can be messy and unpredictable
and it’s not always fun. We got bored quite a lot in that carefree childhood of
yore. Sometimes we got hurt trying to
entertain ourselves and sometimes we fought over stupid stuff. Our mothers didn’t
always know where we were or what we were doing. They had to doctor injuries
and discipline children that didn’t belong to them. They never knew how many kids would show up
in their kitchens on any given day, asking for a snack and something to drink.
Still, there is a beauty in the unexpected. It’s a blessing to be available when a friend
or neighbor needs you (crises never happen when you expect them). It’s a joy to watch children play games they
make up themselves or build something out of sticks and mud that has no value
to anyone but them. And it’s just fun to host in impromptu dinner party. I
definitely think we lose something when the stuff on our calendar becomes more
important than the stuff that actually happens on any given day.
Life is full of surprises and, usually, they are wonderful. Even
when they are not, having space to deal with them can be the difference between
a disaster and an opportunity to learn something. As someone who tends to over plan everything,
I have to remind myself that when my calendar and real life collide, real life
is more important. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop planning
or believing that I can make my life completely organized and predictable. It just means that I won’t throw a hissy fit
when it isn’t.
OK so maybe I WILL throw a hissy fit but I’ll get over it.
No comments:
Post a Comment